I just found out why we can’t kill our companions

Amidst the discussions about companion characters, one thing that has come up more than once is why we no longer can kill our companions (one thing that had been mentioned before during development, but didn’t make it to the released game.

The official explanation was something along the lines that they didn’t want people to gimp themselves by lacking a companion they may need, or complaining after the fact, no matter how many warnings the “killing the companion option” came with. I was never too convinced by the explanation, as there are ways around the purely gameplay-related issues (like, for example, the “role kits” that were tested for companions to change their role at one point, among others).

At the end of the day I never gave it much thought, the companions were there and if you didn’t like the big lizard or the annoying droid you could just leave them in the ship and have them run errands. I didn’t think any of them were that bad really.

Then, yesterday, I found the reason why we can’t kill our companions. My bounty hunter got Skadge.

I have voiced my displeasure before about the way the Republic has been written, and I thought the Republic-side Voss Quests took the cake for hair-tearing bad writing, but sweet merciful Force, Skadge!

[Rant and Spolier Mode On]

I had no idea this guy was going to be a companion when I first met him, because I’ve pretty much ignored spoilers and stuck to the game itself. The fact that I can’t remember anyone running around with one of these should serve as an early warning.

Our first meeting during the early part of the Belsavis Class Quest turns out to be a sign of things to come, where I find out he’s after the same bounty I am on the godforsaken planet.

If you don’t know, by now I have completed the Great Hunt, where I’ve been hunting targets and every other hunter that came after my target on a regular basis. The fact that this guy is one mother****ing rude boaster whose first act is to threaten me and it all fizzles out without my hard-as-nails, trigger-happy champion of the great hunt Bounty Hunter ripping his ugly face off his skull confuses the hell out of me, but after previous experiences I can figure out he’s going to at least be a recurring character for the quest line.

F-ing great.

Sure enough, this moron shows up, forces his way into every dialog option thanks to the overbearing writer, who I can only assume went through at least three IBM Class-M keyboards putting the “story”line together given the ham-fistedness on display, and on top of that makes a F-ing royal mess every single bloody time and still has the gall to get on my face about it when he fails to do his part on the supposedly “team-up” plans we come up with.

Actually, that bit is possibly well played, since I’d have to be a complete and utter moron to split the hunt with this denizen of the shallow end of the gene pool. Unfortunately, the only other choice on display was to leave the quest to rot (since I can’t abandon it) and never ever progress past the point.

Hindsight is 20/20, and in hindsight that’s actually an attractive option. If you haven’t gotten that far yet with your Bounty Hunter, give it some serious thought.

Anyway, after a series of increasingly idiotic chest-beating Neanderthalian exchanges that I’m sure forced the guy writing them down to handle his pen with a chainmail glove so as to avoid cutting himself with his, only in his mind, razor sharp wit, and break another Class M keyboard while at it (hot-diggity damn I’m good, look at them manly lines!), the oversized slug belches out that he’s coming with me, because dammit all I’m not getting to his target without him.

My options are:

1) Cool! Please come!
2) I still don’t trust you, but you can come.
3) You better make yourself useful.

Champion of the Great Hunt, remember? Going after my own target. A very expensive contract to get my hands on an annoying Republic dog that I need to take down to get to someone who, at this point, has really pissed me off.

And somehow, I’m supposed to be happy as pie that some… thing I want to deface with a mallet is about to join me while claiming it’s [i]his[/i] target?

Like hell!

And that’s when it dawns on me.

It can’t be.

Surely, it must be a temporary thing.

He can’t be a… companion, can he?

I choose at random one of the “yeah, sure, come along while I completely break character after establishing it for 40+ levels based on the quests created by the very same writers“, and Mako proceeds to inform me that it’s a stupid idea.

By Yoda, it’s Voss all over again. Making even my companion see it and inform me of it while not giving me the option of shooting Bowser in the face was a nice touch too. Twist the knife a bit, will ya?

So, with Jabba’s ugly trans-species son in tow, I get to the last quest area to finally find my target. A few lines of more braindead dialog later I have captured the guy (after having Bela Lugosi faceplant during the fight too), and frog-in-a-can tells me that he wants to leave the planet in my ship.

My options are:

1) Something I didn’t see.
2) Something I didn’t see.
3) HELL NO!!

I pressed 3 so fast I don’t think the game had time to render the other two options before I did.

And what does the homeless snail say in response?

“Listen, I’m leaving in your ship, with or without you, got that?”

ARE YOU *********** KIDDING ME?!

This… This… This complete and utter writer’s failure has been nothing but a character-breaking prop that missed the obvious “tough guys making witty over-the-top banter” target by twelve Parsecs, then you have the audacity of making him threaten my Bounty Hunter, and the options you give me to choose an answer from are:

1) Okay, I’m convinced.
2) Oooh, I really like your tough guy routine, please come.
3) OMG please don’t hurt meh! D:

I literally stared at the screen for more than a minute in complete and utter disbelief.

This synapse-impaired oxygen waster should be DEAD. Like this:

1) Try saying that again. [Punch his face in until his tongue comes out of his ***]
2) I said no. [Shoot him until all there’s left is a pestilent greasy stain on the floor, wearing heavy armor]
3) Hey ugly, catch! [Throw live thermal detonator at him]

You have driven me almost at gunpoint down the Bounty Hunter path so that he’s the Champion of the Great Hunt, is on a first name basis with mandalore, and is altogether someone who doesn’t take **** from anybody, and I’m supposed to take a guy who’s been getting on my **** all day, who’s pushed himself on my hunt, and who now goes and threatens me to do something I have no business and no reason to do. And I’m supposed to take it and like it!

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Now I have a prop from Jurassic Park leaning against the wall by the bridge of my ship, to make sure I see its gosh darn ugly face every time I get to the galaxy map to go somewhere else, and who already made me want to punch my monitor in hopes of somewhat reaching him through the internet as soon as it opened its huge mouth on arriving to the ship for the first time.

And look, he’s got a little quest icon on his head now.

“It’s a bad idea.”

That’s what the little voice in my head is telling me. I believe it commonly goes under the name “Common Sense”. It’s a bad idea and it’s going to make me want to punch someone. I shouldn’t click him. Just ignore him. Ignore him. He’s not there. Ignore him…

*Click*

Bowser: Hey, what’s to do for fun in this ship?
Me: Mostly, pushing annoying people into the airlock.
Bowser: Haha! When do we play a round then?
Me: If you keep this up, very soon.
Bowser: Try it, wimp!

*Conversation Ends without a chance to actually push the ******e into an airlock*

“I told you it was a bad idea.”

I want this… this… thing OUT OF MY FREAKING SHIP!

I don’t care if it’s going to “gimp” me.

I don’t care if I don’t have enough companions to run all possible missions/crafting/etc.

I don’t care if my computer will chew my right leg if I do.

I don’t care.

Don’t care.

I don’t want to see that protoplasmic waste of space in my ship, or on my list of companions, or anywhere else near me EVER AGAIN.

But I’m stuck with it. Because we can’t kill companions. And now, I know why we can’t.

Congratulations to whoever wrote this guy, you managed to top the Republic-side Voss writer. And I never thought it possible. /golfclap

[Rant and Spolier Mode Off]

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~ by The Sarlacc on February 7, 2012.

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